As a business coach, I hear confessions from business owners that they won’t share with anyone else. Here’s a biggie:
“I don’t actually want to grow my business anymore.”
To be clear, it’s not about a lack of ambition. Somewhere along the way, business ownership stopped feeling like freedom and became a weight. It can sound like this: “The business is doing well, and I finally have stability! But I feel like I’m supposed to keep pushing.”
More revenue, employees, locations, visibility.
My question to them is: “Who told you that’s what success is supposed to look like?”
Truth is, if you feel pulled toward growth you don’t truly want, you’re likely living by someone else’s definition of success.
Here are five signs you’re living someone else’s definition of success, and what you can do to start changing course.
1. You’re Chasing Everyone Else’s Idea of “Enough”
You look around at other businesses and think, “I should be doing that.” I should be trying to grow as big as them.
But inwardly, you’re tired of striving, and if you think about it, you don’t really care about the things that come along with the bigger business. If this is you, you’re chasing their definition of enough, not your own.
Try this: Ask yourself, “What would success look like if nobody else ever knew about it?” You might realize the things that matter most aren’t things anyone can see.
2. You’ve Achieved It, and You’re Still Not Happy
Your business is running smoothly. You have everything you thought would make you happy. And you’re still not happy. You have an inner voice that whispers, “I thought this would feel different. I thought I’d like this more.”
That moment—what I call Unfortunate Awareness—when you realize your hard-won achievements aren’t making you happy, can be confusing.
Try this: Question your confusion. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable in this moment to understand what it’s trying to tell you. What would make you happy? If you’ve achieved what you thought you wanted and that’s not making you happy, what would?
3. Your Identity Is Tied To Being a Business Owner
If you catch yourself leaning into the role of “business owner” more than other roles you also play, such as spouse, sibling, child, pickleball partner—you’ll likely tying your success and worth to the identity of business owner.
My question to you is: What about the other parts of your life? Are you successful in those parts of your life?
Try this: Be as intentional about the parts of your life outside the business as you are inside the business.
4. You Feel Guilty for Wanting Something Different
From the outside, your life looks perfect. Or so you tell yourself. And you guilt yourself into thinking, “I shouldn’t say anything, I have so much!”
“Shoulding” yourself out of your feelings is a sure sign something isn’t right. You’re feeling the push/pull of what you have been taught success is, vs. what you really want in life.
Try this: Swap “What will they think if I quit/change?” for “What will I think of myself if I stay/ don’t change?”
5. You’ve Said to Yourself, “I’ll Be Happy When…”
We’ve all been told the American Dream is about wanting and achieving more. And it seems the golden ring is always just beyond our grasp. If you find yourself saying, “I’ll be happy as soon as…” you may be missing what’s right in front of you.
Try this: Finish this sentence: “I’ll feel successful when …” Then ask, “What’s stopping me from feeling that now?”
What Can You Do To Change Course?
The good news: You don’t have to burn it all down or start over to change course. You can build a future that feeds your soul and keeps the stability you’ve worked so hard for—by owning your own definition of success.
Start by writing down your definition of success.
Review it.
Then ask yourself where it came from. It could be your family, our culture, social media, or other places.
Then question if it still fits.
If not, tear it up and create a new one.
Say this new definition out loud.
Share it with your loved ones.
It’s okay if your definition of success no longer looks like the one you started with. The goal isn’t to build more just because you can. The goal is to build a life that feels good.
Becca Pearce is a personal executive coach, speaker, and author of You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved: Escape the Lies You’ve Been Sold to Design the Life You Want. She helps high-achieving business owners rediscover joy, build their businesses, and design a future that feels right. Learn more at www.morebeccapearce.com.
Photo courtesy Philip Oroni for Unsplash+
